Oh god

I know that you do not like to talk about it and that there are other things that you feel are more important, but...

Wouldn't it be nice to have a place of our own? I want to live somewhere big but not too big, and I want you to see things you have not seen before. I want to wake up with you in the mornings and make breakfast together, and I want us to do stupid, trivial things like shop for curtains and stress over taxes. I want to play house with you until we are old and grey and we have to take care of eachother not only because we want to but because we have to.

I long for simple coexistence, really. I dream of toes touching under the dinner table and kissing your eyelids while you sleep, and showers together (to save the environment, of course), work and play and more work.

I want to argue over whether mac or PC is better, and feel superior when my mac does not give me the blue screen. I want to torment you about it for days after.

I am so fond of you and I feel as if no love can even touch what I have for you.

One month and you are mine again and I will try my hardest for it to stay that way. I am positive that you leaving again will result in my heart exploding in my chest, and that would just be a mess. A bloody, painful mess.

I think that if you would talk to me about our future (where will we live exactly? What will we do? What colour do we want our living room walls and how many cats do we want?), I would be the happiest possible in this current situation. It can't be that bad, thinking and wondering, can it? I mean, it is that, or we talk about games I have never played before (it is moonspeak to me!)

It is something to hope for and hope is so good for the lonely. I want something to strive for, something I can look forward to, my walls WILL be this colour, I know because he agreed, I know because we spoke about it. We spoke about it because it is our future, not mine, but ours. I do not want a future that does not include you.

So, talk to me.