I wish that you did not have to work, and that the time that could be spent with you here in my arms and being happy and blissfully free is being invested in a future that I do not even know if I will live to see.
I wish that right now you were here and I was not writing this so that my heart won't explode and my head won't hurt and my eyes won't cry because I am so terribly, unbelievably alone.
I do a lot of wishing lately. So much wishing, I covet all things. I need you.
Patience is important, I know this, but it's so hard to be patient. I'm a child, I'm a child, a weeping, needy child. I'm alone and lost in the shopping mall, and what started an adventure has become terror and all I need is the comfort of love. How can anyone in their right minds put themselves through this willingly, this thing called love. It's so strange and so illogical and it's what keeps me going. Why else would I live, if not for love?
Essentially, you are my reason. You are my everything. There is no before or after or with or without. It is only you.
Tonight I was told that I did not have to worry about not finding someone if I left you, because I could.
And do you know what? I was appalled. Appalled at the idea of leaving you, yes, but mostly at the idea if it even being an issue- replacing you. If I left you, the last thing on my mind would be how to replace you. You are my only one and if I can not have you, that is it.
You are it.
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