Part Five: What We Are.

Our romance is a never ending comedy.

The joke, however, is not on us, but on everyone else. Everyone who has ever tried to hinder the love that I know we have, regardless of whether people are willing to believe it or not.

And despite everything that she has and will continue to say, I believe you, because every lie you told was told out of fear or unthinking, and every lie she has ever told (every single thing that blew from her lips) was made out of pure selfishness, pure hatred, and pure, absolute, and obvious inability to truly love anything that does not suit her and her alone.

Seeing the relationships of so many others makes me realize that even during hard times, we're good. We're fine. Things will always be good, and always fine. We are meant to be together. We're young. Shit happens. Why is that a reason to give up? You and I understand that and it is what will keep us going forever in our love. We're simple. We're children, blindingly innocent and brutally honest in our every word. I watch every single empire they build rise and fall and rise and fall, while we sit and allow ourselves to exist in harmony. We need no empire.

What we do not build can not fall.

So, they can try and try and try, but it breaks down as such: you love me. I love you... And we know each other better than any other person claims to know the both of us. We know what we are.

Part Four

And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

Part Three: Let's get lost.

I wish that you did not have to work, and that the time that could be spent with you here in my arms and being happy and blissfully free is being invested in a future that I do not even know if I will live to see.

I wish that right now you were here and I was not writing this so that my heart won't explode and my head won't hurt and my eyes won't cry because I am so terribly, unbelievably alone.

I do a lot of wishing lately. So much wishing, I covet all things. I need you.



Patience is important, I know this, but it's so hard to be patient. I'm a child, I'm a child, a weeping, needy child. I'm alone and lost in the shopping mall, and what started an adventure has become terror and all I need is the comfort of love. How can anyone in their right minds put themselves through this willingly, this thing called love. It's so strange and so illogical and it's what keeps me going. Why else would I live, if not for love?

Essentially, you are my reason. You are my everything. There is no before or after or with or without. It is only you.

Tonight I was told that I did not have to worry about not finding someone if I left you, because I could.

And do you know what? I was appalled. Appalled at the idea of leaving you, yes, but mostly at the idea if it even being an issue- replacing you. If I left you, the last thing on my mind would be how to replace you. You are my only one and if I can not have you, that is it.

You are it.

Oh god

I know that you do not like to talk about it and that there are other things that you feel are more important, but...

Wouldn't it be nice to have a place of our own? I want to live somewhere big but not too big, and I want you to see things you have not seen before. I want to wake up with you in the mornings and make breakfast together, and I want us to do stupid, trivial things like shop for curtains and stress over taxes. I want to play house with you until we are old and grey and we have to take care of eachother not only because we want to but because we have to.

I long for simple coexistence, really. I dream of toes touching under the dinner table and kissing your eyelids while you sleep, and showers together (to save the environment, of course), work and play and more work.

I want to argue over whether mac or PC is better, and feel superior when my mac does not give me the blue screen. I want to torment you about it for days after.

I am so fond of you and I feel as if no love can even touch what I have for you.

One month and you are mine again and I will try my hardest for it to stay that way. I am positive that you leaving again will result in my heart exploding in my chest, and that would just be a mess. A bloody, painful mess.

I think that if you would talk to me about our future (where will we live exactly? What will we do? What colour do we want our living room walls and how many cats do we want?), I would be the happiest possible in this current situation. It can't be that bad, thinking and wondering, can it? I mean, it is that, or we talk about games I have never played before (it is moonspeak to me!)

It is something to hope for and hope is so good for the lonely. I want something to strive for, something I can look forward to, my walls WILL be this colour, I know because he agreed, I know because we spoke about it. We spoke about it because it is our future, not mine, but ours. I do not want a future that does not include you.

So, talk to me.

Part One: I'm sorry.

I wish that things were better right now.

I am too sensitive, too expectant, too harsh.

You have only been you and I have been crazy, it's disappointing to me as well as it must be disappointing for you.



I am in love with you for being you and I don't know how I could ever be mad at you for that.

So, I made this blog because I love you.

I am going to write in it with everything that makes me smile, everything that reminds me of you when I am surfing the web, all of the songs that make me cry because I miss you to death. I am going to fill it with so much love that anyone who comes across this will be absolutely, completely disgusted with me because I am so full of sickening need for you.

And every time I feel angry at you, or angry at me, or angry at life, I will read it. I will read about how much I love you and then I will realize how stupid I am.

This is a never ending love letter. This is for you.

Maybe this will make up for all of the times I accused you of being anything less than amazing.